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Author Topic: The Bogan Boater of Blackman Bay  (Read 1155 times)


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The Bogan Boater of Blackman Bay
« on: June 21, 2018, 10:13:00 am »
Well, middle of winter again; nothing needs doing in the garden; time on my hands.  Looking back through some bits and pieces I wrote last winter and didn't get around to doing anything with, I turned this up.  True story - only the names are made up.  Hope you enjoy it.

The bogan boater of Blackman Bay

A bloke we’ll agree to call Barry, one day
Thought he should like to take his mates away
On his big new boat. It was his greatest wish
To show them all how to drink beer and catch fish.

“I’ll meet youse at six” he told Eric and Ray
“And we’ll drive down together to Marion Bay.”
“Can I come too? “ his mate Philip enquired.
“You’ll have to meet us there.” Barry replied.

So he picked up the boys in his ute, at six sharp.
Told them to stow their gear under the tarp
In the back of the ute, ‘til they got to the ramp.
He said “I’ll stop for beer” and they said “You’re a champ.”

They stopped at Dunalley for sangers and pies,
And filled up the esky with tinnies and ice.
A quick call to Phil to check he was en route,
Then a smoko, a pee, and climbed back in the ute.

In due course they reached the ramp at Boomer Bay
Where the boat would be launched and they’d get underway.
The trailer was backed down the ramp to the water.
They undid the tie-downs.  Barry said “I oughter
“Just make sure the bung’s tight: we don’t want to sink.”
They all laughed and said “Jeez, we’d go in the drink!”

Well, they got the boat launched without too much flap
Then they loaded her up with all manner of crap:
There were sangers and beer, rods and reels, lures and bait
Then they sat at the dock crying “Phil, mate – you’re late.”

The minutes ticked by, and they opened a beer.
Eric asked “Is this safe?” Barry said “Are you queer? 
Of course it’s safe: we’re just having the one
While we wait for our mate, then we’ll go have some fun.”

An elderly couple then drove down the road
To the Boomer Bay ramp with their neat little boat.
They got out of the car, saw the lads in their way
And politely asked, if they were planning to stay,

Could they please move the boat to the jetty’s far end?
Barry thought “Fuck”, but said “Fair enough, friend.”
The old couple launched their boat, neat as you like,
And said “Thanks”, to which Eric said “Go take a hike!”

The mates on the big boat all thought that was funny,
And to toast their great wit, cracked another tinny.
And laughing and cackling, stumbled about
And “saluted” the old folks as they motored out.

Boomer Bay for the most part is sheltered and calm
With a boat ramp and some shacks, a protected arm
Of a much broader water that’s called Blackman Bay
Across which the old folks were sailing that day.

Blackman Bay, although broad, is in most parts quite shallow
And flows at one end through the Marion Narrow
The other end flows through the Denison Canal
And together they let the bay empty and fill.

As the tide rises up once or twice every day,
Huge currents of water rush into the bay
And swirl all around in vast eddies and rips,
Then reverse and rush out again, as the tide drops.

For boats passing through it, a channel of sorts
Is marked for safe passage, but needs careful thought.
One side of it’s marked with big posts painted green
The other side‘s red posts; not easily seen
When you’re heading due east into the sunrise
And the posts’ silhouettes all look black to your eyes.

And the safe passage channel never stays still.
Though you line yourself up with the mark on the hill
Sometimes the channel’s ahead, straight and true
Other times there are sandbars you just can’t go through.

The passage route alters; it twists and it bends
So you must pay close heed to the markers, your friends
That will guide you through clear to the turbulent Narrow
Where you open the throttle, and shoot like an arrow
Over the current, you’re free and away
Out into the wide sea at Marion Bay!

Now our sensible couple of oldies, aware
Of the sandbars and shoal grounds awaiting them there,
Were going quite steadily, picking their line
From green post to red post, taking their time

To find their way clearly towards the bay’s mouth
Through a fine mist just clearing away to the south.
Ahead lay a labyrinth, narrow and winding,
But happily, each post in turn they were finding.

And drinking their coffee, and quietly noting
That all sorts of people can choose to go boating.
“Some are quite careful, safe and polite;
While others are so uncouth; they are a fright”

“Like that mob of bogans, drinking back there:
There’ll be trouble, starting out so full of beer.”
Back at the ramp, Phil had turned up at last
So the boys downed their third tinny, keen to make haste.

As the careful ones picked their way safely along
They fancied they heard, astern, voices in song.
“It can’t be” said Martin.  “A trick of the wind.”
Then the roar of a motor came up from behind.

They looked back in wonder, agog to behold
The great big half-cabin boat, shiny and bold
Approaching their stern at a great rate of knots
“That’s those bogans” said Alice “The dangerous sots.

Don’t they know it’s not safe to go racing through here?”
But the boat barrelled past, the boys drinking more beer
Had the stereo turned up as loud as could be 
And the boat on the plane, the outboard spinning free.

As they roared past, Martin, his face somewhat grim,
Gripped the wheel tightly; it was up to him
To steer into the bow-wave that welled and reared up
From the wake of the passing boat.  Alice’s cup
Of half-finished coffee went down on the deck,
 As Martin cursed under his breath: “Hey, what the heck?”

The bigger boat disappeared, out off their bow
It had passed them so quick, they could not hear it now
Instead, a calm silence came back through the mist.
Alice said “They’ll not get far; they’re all too pissed.”

Some more red and green posts loomed up and passed by
As they weaved through the channel; the sun in the sky
Had climbed higher by now, and their vision was clear
Alice exclaimed: “Hey look: what’s that over there?”

As they looked up ahead and away to the left
Big boat was in view, looking quite motionless.
And as they drew level, the old couple espied
The bogans had bailed out, over the side,

Knee-deep in the water, they gathered around
The stern of the boat: she had gone well aground!
Hard onto the shoal she had run at a pace
And now all the bogans, with beer on their face,

Wore sheepish expressions, and grunting and pushing
Were trying to re-float her.  The engine was whooshing
And a great spray of water and sand was above them
And flinging about them; the scene it was mayhem.

If any were injured, then Martin and Alice
Would have stopped to give aid, they did not bear them malice.
But once it was clear all that hurt was drunk pride,
They saluted in turn and went motoring by.


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The Bogan Boater of Blackman Bay
« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2018, 11:26:36 am »
How come you forgot to mention in there somewhere that we piled the rest of our tinnies
into your boat as you passed by so that we could re-float, lol   laugh1
You weren't up St Helens Bar way about 15 years ago were you ?  busted1

 Seriously though, what a great read and a 10 out of 10 for effort,
I could even picture how I felt as you motored away with our beers.

It wasn't hard to see the events unfold as I read every word, that needs publishing
somewhere for prosperity, I don't read as often as I should,
I enjoyed that read.
Thank you Reddory.


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The Bogan Boater of Blackman Bay
« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2018, 07:28:28 pm »
Awesome read and a giggle RD thumbsup1
What has 4,882km's of coastline? think1


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The Bogan Boater of Blackman Bay
« Reply #3 on: June 24, 2018, 11:51:55 am »
Oh Man, what a read! I could not stop laughing.  laugh1 laugh1 laugh1 laugh1 laugh1 laugh1 laugh1 laugh1 laugh1 laugh1

That is worthy of an Oscar or the literary equivalent.

The Bard has nothing on you Paul, "The Merchant of Venice" pales by comparison.

And I would love to have seen the Bogan's boat stuck, if only for the chance to ask if they were catching any.

Cheers and thanks for sharing your epic with us.





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The Bogan Boater of Blackman Bay
« Reply #4 on: June 24, 2018, 08:40:00 pm »
Thanks guys.  Happy to see a few have appreciated it!


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The Bogan Boater of Blackman Bay
« Reply #5 on: June 24, 2018, 08:47:51 pm »
So true though[emoji23]

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